Two years ago, when I got a notification that I passed a scholarship for my master's degree in NCKU, I told my parents about this great news. They were very happy, of course. But when I told them that the scholarship is just 3000 NTD, they shocked and asked me, are you sure you can study there? are you sure you can live with that money? I think you need to consider more, even though we can send you money. And much more advice that actually I didn't want to listen to. Mom, Dad, this is my dream to study overseas, NCKU is a top three university in Taiwan, this great opportunity may just come once in my lifetime. I really want to say those words, but I just can't. I started to cry...

After a few days, I forced myself to convince them, Don't worry, I will get the salary from my advisor, even though at that time I didn't know how much money I will get. I just told them that I will get 6000 NTD a month. And after a long time, my parents gave me permission to study in Taiwan. I was really happy back then, thank you, Mom and Dad. Alhamdulillah, in my first year, I got a Sinopac Scholarship as much as 60.000 NTD, and yes, my advisor gave me 6000 NTD a month, even the scholarship from NCKU increases to 5000 NTD a month in my second year. Thank you to my family, thanks to your prayers, I can live and study well here.

I am in my last semester right now. A lot of things I wanna do. A lot of things I wanna try. A lot of chance I can get in Taiwan. I wanna find a job in Taiwan. For your information, we can get a salary five times higher than in Indonesia, even for the fresh graduate you can get a minimum salary of 40.000-60.000 NTD a month. I thought it will be good if I get a job here, I can help my parents to pay for my sister's and brother's school's fees. I also wanna continue PhD's degree here. I know it sounds like I am too greedy. But, have a lot of dreams is not a sin, right?

A few days ago, my Professor texted me. He asked me to consider a PhD's degree in NCKU. He told me that I have the potential in this area. This-is-Professor-who-told-me-about-this, not my lab mates or my friends. Even I am not sure about my capabilities, I started to consider this chance.

Right after Professor texted me, I asked one of my PhD labmates who have graduated. He told me, if you like to do something research, that's great? About your capabilities, you don't need to sure right now. Just do it. If you know what you want to achieve and you can make it. 

I also asked my roommates, they said, if you wanna be a lecturer, it's better if you continue your study right now. You are still young. You can focus on doing your research. If you want to get married, you can take a break for maybe one semester?

Once again, I asked my parents what should I do. A lot of consideration my parents and I have to think.

"Normally, it takes four years to finish the PhD's degree. You will graduate when you are 28." - I can try to finish it for less than four years.
"You are a woman. You need to get married as soon as possible. 28 is just too late to get married." - I can have a break at least a semester to get married.
"It is not good to be an independent woman, it will be hard to find a husband if your degree is too high." - what's wrong with being an independent woman with a high degree? If the man is not confident with this condition. It means that he doesn't suit me. As simple as that.
"It is better to find a university in Indonesia for you to work. You can do your PhD after get married. You can bring your husband with you." - If I am being a PhD, I will have more opportunities to teach at a good university, and... I am not sure if I can focus on my student life after I get married.

No positive response I got from my family.
Or
I am the one who can't see the positive perspectives?

I am on my quarter-life crisis right now. I am faced with many choices. All of those chances right in front of my eyes, but I even can't reach all of those dreams. Sometimes, I am being too sensitive, I am being too selfish and always blame the situation.

But, I hope everything goes well.
Hope this shit quarter-life crisis passes very soon.
Hope I can choose the right pathways.